What do you think of when you hear someone described as “needy?”
The basic physical needs – such as food, water & shelter – are obvious ones that we all recognize as common to all people. How often, though, do we fail to recognize the psychological needs that we all share?
Is it possible that the label of “neediness” that some people use have caused us to ignore the reality that even healthy, well-adjusted people have basic needs?
Perhaps a proper understanding will allow us to have a healthier relationship with our own needs. And, possibly, eliminate some of “neediness” as well.
Certainty/Comfort – We all want to be comfortable, and a great deal of comfort comes in having certainty. We want to know that our car will start and that the fridge will have food for us to eat. Having a certainty of these things eliminates stress. Human interactions, however, provide far less certainty.
An unhealthy relationship with this need will lead us to try to control our circumstances, or other people. The degree to which we lack internal certainty (faith, courage, confidence) will be related to how much we feel the need to control the external circumstances.
Variety – The spice of life! We all need a little bit of adventure in our lives. Some find this through watching a movie that they haven’t seen yet, others find it through bunjee jumping.
This need is in contrast to certainty, which reminds us that there is a balance that needs to be found. With too much certainty we get bored, but with too much variety fear or confusion can enter in.
Significance – We all yearn to know that we are here for a purpose, that our lives are important. This is a way that we can be unique… a sense of identity that makes us distinct from others.
In a healthy sense, this need will lead us to self-discovery and an understanding our gifts & talents. Unhealthily, we can find ourselves trying to fill this need through egotism, drama addiction or materialism.
Connection/Love – While our need for significance leads us to be separate from others, our need for connection with others – or love – is what draws us together. We want to know that we belong, that we are cared for and that we are understood.
One of the most satisfying ways that we can fill this need is within family or intimate relationships. Others may seek to fill this need through clubs, social networking, religious groups or gangs.
Growth – All things in nature are either growing or dying. Since there is no finish line, or standard that we reach to lets us know that we’ve “made it” and are now complete, we have a desire for growth and improvement. This can be through physical, spiritual, intellectual growth, etc.
Contribution – The assurance that we have been a part of something bigger than ourselves is critical to our fulfillment, though it may be more apparent in some than others. Deep down, though, we all want to know that we leave a legacy, or make the world a better place by being here.
In what ways can understanding these needs provide you with more insight into the choices you make?
How can understanding these needs help you have more compassion in dealing with others?
This amazing video reminds us of the power of our example, especially upon children.
In what way are you having an impact through your personal leadership?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
While sculpting the great statue of David, Michelangelo was asked why he was working so hard. His response was a simple, but profound statement that each of us should consider as it relates to us:
David - Il Gigante
There is an angel inside of this rock and I am setting him free.
Likewise, there is something divine inside of you… in fact, it isn’t just “in” you. It IS you. It is your very essence. You are a diving being with so much love, light, power & grace that if you were to only recognize it, you would, as Thomas Edison said: “literally astonish yourself.”
The process of ‘becoming’ aligned with our true nature, then, isn’t about adding something that isn’t there, but rather a process of letting go of the things which cloud our ability to see our sacred & divine essence. This process is akin to the process that Michelangelo used to release the “angel” that became the greatest sculpture in all of history.
Here are the 4 steps in sculpting, that will also release the angel inside of us:
Chipping - This is the highest impact part of it all. It’s when the biggest pieces are smashed away with brute force. These parts are those that must simply go if we are even to begin to see the angel at all…. and it can be a painful experience.
In each of us, there are some things that just have to go. Plain and simple, some of our vices, weaknesses, emotional attachments and addictions have to go if we are ever to realize our true potential. Without these jarring experiences, we will never see (or show others) the true nature that lies inside of us. It may be painful, but eliminate these blocks that keep your true nature hidden from yourself and the world.
Sculpting - Sculpting continues the same process of removing what doesn’t belong, but it uses a different chisel, and is much more deliberate. Instead of powerful smashing that removes large chunks, sculpting takes a more refined approach and take much longer to remove the fine pieces that stand in the way. It is a delicate process of revealing the beauty of what the sculpture is intended to be.
This more deliberate process in our own lives is about continued discipline in molding ourselves and persevering in the actions we know that will strengthen us. Are you reading from books that will inspire your mind and develop your spirit? Are you spending time with friends who lift, inspire & understand you? Are you treating yourself like you are your own most precious resource? This process takes confidence and self love.. and both of those come when we start to see clearly the angel deep inside.
Sanding - When the sculptor has created the outline of what the sculpture will be, sanding is the process of wearing away the jagged edges that can cut us.
Sanding is a conscious choice in our lives. We have numerous experiences that would grate on us, get on our nerves, make us upset, etc. Sanding is the choice that we make to illuminate these seemingly negative circumstances and turn them into a positive. It’s about shifting our focus from the gritty sandpaper on the outside, and seeing the act of refinement that is happening on us. We stop seeing the other person, or outside circumstance as a problem, but see our our flaws and begin to let them go. The “adversity” becomes a gift, and we recognize that has nothing to do with anyone other than ourselves.
Polishing - The part that makes the sculpture shine!
This is the part of the process that we all want to skip to. We want to look good, and shine before the world. This is justified since you are an amazing divine being worthy of celebration, but unless the proper foundation is laid it will not stand.In our lives, we all have moments of shining, and we deserve them. To have a lasting shine, the kind that comes from within, though, we have to pay our dues. If we want to shine continually, we can’t fake it… it has to come from a foundation character. We can’t project it beyond what our character will sustain, so we need to pay our dues to become aligned with our true nature and in harmony with true principles.
There is an angel inside of you. It IS you… it is who you were born, and it is who the world needs right now. By taking the time to reflect on who that angel is, and allowing yourself to go through the process of letting go of your imperfections and baggage, you will begin to bring to the world the gift most precious above all else: YOU.
Letting go… The idea of letting go is often, sadly, equated with walking away, giving up or some other attitude of “good bye and good riddance.” The prevalent belief that “things would be better without it, so I’m going to let it go” is not the true essence of letting go, and not only perpetuates the falsehood that circumstance affects our happiness, but robs us of our true spiritual power.
Instead of seeing letting go as a way to change the circumstance, we find power when we see it as a means of changing ourselves. It’s about releasing control, and trusting in the Infinite…
Here is an empowering view of what it means, and what it takes, to “Let Go and Let God”. Special thanks to Cari Murphy for providing this:
To “Let Go” Takes Love
To “Let Go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “Let Go” is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can’t control others.
To “Let Go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To “Let Go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “Let Go” is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
To “Let Go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “Let Go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “Let Go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “Let Go” is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To “Let Go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “Let Go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To “Let Go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.
To “Let Go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To “Let Go” is to not regret the past but to grow and to live for the future.
To “Let Go” is to fear less and to love more.
In what way do you need to let go?
With this new perspective on what it means to let go, you’ll find that you never “lose” anything by letting go. You keep everything that you fear you couldn’t hold on to.
In a time that everyone is looking for “change we can believe in” and hoping that someone, or something, can help us out of our current challenges, it is important to remember 2 things.
The first of those are words of Gandhi when he admonished to “be the change you wish to see in the world” and to recognize that change comes from within, not from without.
The second thing to remember is that everything is within our reach… we don’t NEED anyone ‘out there’ to do anything for us. In fact, we don’t NEED anything. Period. Everything we need is available to us right now, it’s just a matter of how we choose to look at ourselves and the world around us.
The entrepreneurial spirit described in this video is about recognizing your greatness. You don’t need to start a business to become a complete expression of your divine nature. You can make a powerful contribution to the world by acting courageously, giving voice to who you are deep inside, and inspiring others to tap into their own true potential.
Today is your day. Will you give the world the best version of you that it deserves?
