I am a firm believer that there really are no problems, only miscommunications.

When we lack the skills to communicate clearly, though, it does become a problem.

If we are to make the most of our relationships, then, it is critical that we develop the communication skills that allow us to cut through the “problems” and understand that all actions are really an attempt to fill one of the basic human needs. (For more information on that topic, check out my previous post: Human Needs – Healthy or Hindering?)

Principally, we tend to think that communication skills are about getting our point across clearly, and helping people to understand what we are trying to express.  Far more important, though, the real skill comes in listening. Not just letting people say what they want, but also taking the time to make sure that we understand what they “mean”. An important element in this skill is creating a safe space that allows others to feel that their thoughts & feelings are valid and can be expressed without fear of being judged, criticized or met with anger.  This, in and of  itself, takes a massive amount of self-control, self-confidence and love for both self and the other person.

Recently, while searching for more tools to develop these skills, I found a powerful free Solve Your Relationship Problems video series from Kathlyn & Gay Hendricks. The Hendricks’ are not only the world’s leading experts on relationships, but are also a happily married couple of 25+ years.

Some of the topics this free video series covers are:

• How to Stop An Argument… Instantly
• How to end blame and criticism
• How to end money struggles and create financial abundance
• Ending jealousy
• How to tell if your partner is lying
• Restoring harmony after a fight
• Many, many more…

What tips & tricks have you found helpful for improving communication in your personal relationships?

I’d love to hear about your insights as you review the videos in their free Solve Your Relationship Problems series!

Letting go… The idea of letting go is often, sadly, equated with walking away, giving up or some other attitude of “good bye and good riddance.”  The prevalent belief that “things would be better without it, so I’m going to let it go” is not the true essence of letting go, and not only perpetuates the falsehood that circumstance affects our happiness, but robs us of our true spiritual power.

Instead of seeing letting go as a way to change the circumstance, we find power when we see it as a means of changing ourselves.  It’s about releasing control, and trusting in the Infinite…

Here is an empowering view of what it means, and what it takes, to “Let Go and Let God”. Special thanks to Cari Murphy for providing this:

To “Let Go” Takes Love
To “Let Go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “Let Go” is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can’t control others.
To “Let Go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To “Let Go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “Let Go” is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
To “Let Go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “Let Go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “Let Go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “Let Go” is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To “Let Go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “Let Go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To “Let Go” is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.
To “Let Go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To “Let Go” is to not regret the past but to grow and to live for the future.
To “Let Go” is to fear less and to love more.

In what way do you need to let go?

With this new perspective on what it means to let go, you’ll find that you never “lose” anything by letting go.  You keep everything that you fear you couldn’t hold on to.

For more information on Cari Murphy (@CariLMurphy), check out her latest best-selling book Create Change Now, or stop by her blog to say hello.

It isn’t rare that we have challenges or conflicts in dealing with others. But perhaps rare, is an empowered approach to dealing with those situations.

The truth is that each moment of every single day provides the opportunity for us to make an empowered choice and move closer to the full expression of our divine nature. The more difficult the situation, the greater the growth will be. That is, the harder it is for us to make the change, the more it is worth it. Just like building muscles, building character happens the most when we push our limits and create new ones.

That being said, here are 3 options that we can face when dealing with challenging situations:

1. Why is this happening to me? Or, “why did they do XYZ to me?” Where XYZ = lying, stealing, controlling, getting upset, ignoring, etc.This approach focuses on the circumstance entirely. It focuses on “what happened” or “is happening”,  but is also limited to and by our perception of the circumstance.  This attitude of viewing the problem as “out there” indicates that we are reacting to the situation, and placing the blame on anything except for ourselves.  This is a very normal reaction, and very understandable when we examine with situation with our eyes, but the focus is on things outside of our circle of control.
2. What did I do to cause this to happen to me? This is the more responsible way of dealing with the circumstance.The responsible person will acknowledge that the circumstances in their life are directly, or at the very least indirectly, influenced by their own actions, and they accept responsibility for it.  This person will say “I know that this other person made me upset, but what did I say or do to cause them to do so?”When we accept that “I am the master of my fate” we are able to see how we can influence every circumstance in our life, and we start to put our focus on things that are inside of our circle of control.  We move beyond seeing with just our eyes, and start to perceive with our mind as well.

   The only limitation, however, is that this approach is still dealing with the circumstance…

3. In what way is this a reflection of what is going on inside me? This is moving beyond responsibility to accountability.To step into this level requires a belief that all things work together for our good. It also requires us to look at the situation with more than our eyes and our mind put together. It requires us to look at things with a spiritual mindset.This spiritual approach leads us to examine ourselves at a deep level, and to evaluate our subconscious beliefs to find an answer.  We begin to say “I am the cause of all that happens in my life.”  This isn’t about fault or blame, it’s about recognizing that we are divine in our nature, and that everything that happens in our world is for the purpose of drawing us closer to our divine potential.

   This attitude leads us to drop all of the “out there” thoughts of the external situation and realize that perception is reality.  Our perception of ourselves is reflected back to us in everyone that we meet. Our deep-rooted beliefs about the world are continually validated back to us in the situations we create.

   When we adopt this attitude, we are empowered and become “the master of my soul”.  We are no longer concerned with circumstance, but focus our efforts ONLY on those things which are entirely within our circle of control.  We let go of the past and live in the present moment.

What situations are you struggling with right now? In what ways are the people around you “making things difficult” for you?  What drives you crazy about your boss, spouse, child, etc?

Make a list of those things and ask yourself the question, “In what way is this a reflection of what is going on inside of me?”  Do it honestly and introspectively. Take a pen & paper, and most importantly, take your time.

Love & light,

Joseph

Every day there are countless opportunities to reach out to people in a way that will brighten their day and open the door for genuine relationships to form and grow.

Here is one of my favorites.

Bringing chocolates for the flight crew has been one of the greatest joys of my life! To hand them a gift of appreciation and to verbalize a genuine ‘thank you’ has returned so many smiles, tears and hugs into my life.  It almost always ends up in a reciprocated service as well. (yes, it is nice to be upgraded to 1st Class for free, but more gratifying is to see someone light up with joy)

There are so many people who are working hard but not getting the appreciation and recognition that they deserve.  What can you do, today, to:

• Say ‘Thank You’
• Offer an encouraging word to someone
• Provide an opportunity for someone else to rise to their potential

There are plenty of ways to do this, both online and offline.  What are some ways that you think are great to brighten someone’s day?

Add Your Suggestion to The Top 10 Ways to Brighten Someone’s Day

First, I challenge you to go out and brighten someone’s day!

Second, we’re going to compile a list of the top 10 ways to perform random acts of kindness…this can be how you responded to the challenge, or any other way you like to brighten someone’s day!

Leave a comment and share your suggestion with all of us! We’ll compile it in a list and publish it for everyone to see.

(For the latest news on this subject, check out: SocialMediaAdventure.com)

TOO MANY Friends?

“Do you really know ALL of your facebook friends? There’s NO WAY you have actually met all of those people!”

These are statements I hear often, and it’s understandable considering the fact that I have thousands of facebook & twitter connections. The comments come in many variations, but they are all implying the same thing… those thousands of friends? They aren’t REAL friends….

Rob Harter, co-pilot extraordinnaire

At first I felt guilty for having so many friends, and would have a hard time answering that question. But then, the revelation came. After being asked that question while on a recent road trip, my friend (and co-pilot) Rob Harter reminded me to look at the glass as ‘half full’. My response then became clear: “No, I haven’t met all of them personally… but imagine what a party it would be if I did!” Can you imagine what it would be like to have that many genuine friends? Or better yet, to have them all in the same place at the same time, celebrating our friendship?

And so began the experiment…

I decided to interact with my online friends in a way that I hadn’t attempted before. I sent an update to facebook & twitter accounts via text message, encouraging everyone to communicate with me while I travelled on the road trip. There was a problem though, I wasn’t online while I was driving across the country…

You Gave Out Your Cell Phone On Twitter???

Yes, I started posting my cell phone to facebook and twitter, encouraging people to get in touch with me. Honestly, it didn’t even cross my mind that it wasn’t ‘safe’…after all, these were my friends! And then, something happened, the responses came – FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD! (Canada, USA, Mexico, UK, Indonesia, etc) From people sharing directions when we were lost, to people sending funny jokes or words of encouragement while I was drowsy behind the wheel, there was a community effort and an outpouring of love like I hadn’t felt before.

But The Real Power Was Still To Come!

What I love about Social Media is that it is a steady evolution toward real relationships. Many have argued that technology distances us, but I am optimistic and extremely confident that the evolution of “Web 2.0” is leading us toward creating genuine, authentic and in-person relationships. In fact, I know it…it’s what I experienced.

In a short trip to Toronto, I made more genuine friends than I could have ever imagined. A few highlights include:

'random' friend finds in Starbucks

• Melissa, the ‘random’ friend that showed up at a London, Ontario Starbucks while I was checking my email… (Thanks for the tip!)
• Super Spiritual Girl, a twitter hero of mine! (Follow her for amazing insights and an exciting upcoming announcement)
• Veronica, the angel of a woman who created the video that I have watched near-daily for over a year. (Watch it on my blog if you haven’t already!)
• Cheri Najor, one of the most powerful professional speakers that I have ever witnessed in human form. In a simple bagel store, I was moved emotionally listening to her absolute passion for life and immense love for her son. (see www.kreativnrg.com)
• Many, many, more…  (Sorry I didn’t mention you all, You’ll be in future posts!)

The interesting thing about all of these people, though, is that we had connected online – through social media – and had never met in person. In fact, when we first made the online connection, I doubt that any of us imagined that we would ever meet, or even become great friends!

Now, I have a whole new perspective on life because of my new friends. They have all taught me something that I will carry with me forever.

I also have a new perspective on the internet, social media, and ‘web 2.0’. It isn’t just a fancy way to waste time or a powerful way to make money…it’s a way to promote peace, love and happiness.

What Now?

I am finishing up a book on the power of Social Media, and will use this road trip as a case study. I will include dozens of stories that I couldn’t include here. I will share more on the principles embodied in the social media revolution that will transform the way that businesses operate, and more importantly how we interact with each other as human beings.

I welcome all of your insights, messages, questions and feedback… I will keep you posted on the details and look forward to sharing it with you all, and the world!

UPDATE

The response has been SO POWERFUL from this trip, that I am excited to announce the Social Media Adventure a cross-continent summer trip to demonstrate the power that Social Media has to create genuine & profitable relationships!

Check it out at: www.SocialMediaAdventure.com