I am a firm believer that there really are no problems, only miscommunications.
When we lack the skills to communicate clearly, though, it does become a problem.
If we are to make the most of our relationships, then, it is critical that we develop the communication skills that allow us to cut through the “problems” and understand that all actions are really an attempt to fill one of the basic human needs. (For more information on that topic, check out my previous post: Human Needs – Healthy or Hindering?)
Principally, we tend to think that communication skills are about getting our point across clearly, and helping people to understand what we are trying to express. Far more important, though, the real skill comes in listening. Not just letting people say what they want, but also taking the time to make sure that we understand what they “mean”. An important element in this skill is creating a safe space that allows others to feel that their thoughts & feelings are valid and can be expressed without fear of being judged, criticized or met with anger. This, in and of itself, takes a massive amount of self-control, self-confidence and love for both self and the other person.
Recently, while searching for more tools to develop these skills, I found a powerful free Solve Your Relationship Problems video series from Kathlyn & Gay Hendricks. The Hendricks’ are not only the world’s leading experts on relationships, but are also a happily married couple of 25+ years.
Some of the topics this free video series covers are:
- How to Stop An Argument… Instantly
- How to end blame and criticism
- How to end money struggles and create financial abundance
- Ending jealousy
- How to tell if your partner is lying
- Restoring harmony after a fight
- Many, many more…
What tips & tricks have you found helpful for improving communication in your personal relationships?
I’d love to hear about your insights as you review the videos in their free Solve Your Relationship Problems series!